We live in a world that praises self-care like it’s the answer to everything. And don’t get me wrong, I love a good facial, a fresh hairstyle, and feeling like I took time for me. That’s needed. As women, we should take care of ourselves. We should feel good about the skin we’re in.
But sis, what happens when the soul is breaking, but the nails are polished?
What happens when the edges are laid, but your thoughts are chaotic?
When the shoes are cute, but your emotions can’t walk in peace?
Let me say this plainly:
Pretty doesn’t heal broken.
You Can’t Spa Away What’s Spiritual
You can’t exfoliate trauma.
You can’t deep condition heartbreak.
You can’t contour away confusion.
Yes, go get your nails done. Yes, treat yourself to a break. But if we’re not tending to the soul, we’re just dressing up dysfunction.
And I get it. Some days, the only thing you can control is how you show up physically, so you do what you can. That’s strength too.
But I had to ask myself:
How am I doing spiritually, mentally, and emotionally?
Am I growing wiser?
Or am I still yelling, still avoiding, still operating from childhood trauma?
My Story: From Fire to Fruit
Before I truly repented and surrendered my love to Jesus, if someone got my time wrong or disrespected me, I would snap. It was nothing for me to use foul language and give you a piece of my mind, with no regrets and the last word in hand.
But now, I’m not that woman anymore.
As the Holy Spirit leads and guides me, I don’t respond that way.
I’ll walk away from confrontation. I’ll remove myself instead of adding wood to a fire. I’ve tried to speak up, to set healthy boundaries, and to express how certain words or actions made me feel. But often, the ones who’ve caused the hurt aren’t emotionally mature enough to respond without deflecting or placing the blame back on me. So instead, I go quiet. I shut down. And I take my tears to Jesus. I tell Him everything, because He’s the only One who truly understands. He is a Wonderful Counselor.
I had to ask God: “Is this healing, or am I hiding?” He showed me, He was teaching me to pause and process, not suppress.
Now I give myself time.
I check myself.
I ask: “What was my part in this?”
Because God is leading me to be whole. Entire. Lacking nothing.
Teaching My Daughters: Emotional Intelligence & Soul Care
God didn’t just want to transform me, He wanted it to overflow into my daughters.
I spent nearly a month teaching my three girls about emotional intelligence. I sat them down and told them, “Yes, yelling is communication, but it’s not effective communication.” Even when I was upset, I explained that it wasn’t okay for me to yell. I began to teach them to acknowledge what they feel and put a name to it.
“Don’t ignore it. Don’t suppress it. Say it. Name it.”
And now?
Anytime one of my kids is upset, you’ll hear another say,
“Name it. Name what you’re feeling.”
That moment… was powerful.
Because that’s soul care in action.
Soul Care is Holy
“Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.” 3 John 1:2 KJV
Your soul matters to God.
Your thoughts.
Your emotional patterns.
Your ability to process grief, disappointment, and even joy.
We’ve normalized dysfunction so deeply that healing feels foreign.
We call trauma personality. (Oh, that’s just my personality)
We call silence strength. (The silent treatment)
We call being guarded wisdom. (Shutting people out)
But truth be told…
Many of us are adults in body… and toddlers in soul.
So What Is Soul Care?
Soul care is when I finally sit with the Holy Spirit and say:
“God, I’m tired of pretending I’m okay.”
It’s journaling and repenting.
It’s worship without distraction.
It’s crying without shame.
It’s asking the hard questions:
Why do I shut down?
Why do I yell?
Why do I fear intimacy?
Why do I constantly feel like I have to prove my worth?
It’s no longer blaming everyone else.
And no longer blaming yourself either.
It’s letting God search the parts of your soul that your self-care routine can’t reach.
The Bible Speaks to This
“He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.” Proverbs 16:32 KJV
That’s emotional intelligence.
That’s soul stability.
“And be renewed in the spirit of your mind. Ephesians 4:23 KJV
That’s soul refreshment.
That’s soul care.
“As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you…” Isaiah 66:13 KJV
That’s God caring for your soul.
We Must Teach Our Children Too
Soul care doesn’t stop with us.
We must teach our daughters and sons:
How to name what they feel.
How to process sadness, anger, fear.
How to pray through their tears.
How to communicate effectively, not just react.
Yelling isn’t communication.
Shutting down isn’t strength.
Stonewalling isn’t wisdom.
And if we don’t teach them, the world will tell them emotions are weakness, and that lie will cost them intimacy with God and others.
Let’s Normalize Healing
Let’s normalize being made whole.
Let’s normalize biblical therapy and prayer.
Let’s normalize repentance and rest.
Let’s normalize conversations that aren’t cute, but they’re healing.
Let’s normalize boundaries and not taking everything personal.
Let’s normalize maturity.
Final Thought
You’re not just a woman.
You’re a well.
And it’s time to be filled.
Care for your skin, yes.
But please don’t forget to care for your soul.
Let the Holy Spirit be your balm.
Let Scripture be your mirror.
Let surrender be your softness.
Let truth be your foundation.
You don’t need more makeup.
You need more moments with the Father.
Let’s stop settling for “polished”…
When God is calling us to be whole.
Written By: Sherita Jones | The Anointed Grace
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